Dear Diary...

... It was nearly two years ago when he entered my world. There was no magical chemistry shared, no fairy tale first meeting, it was not a love at first sight moment. It was simple and realistic. I meet him in a community of a site of relationships, and we start to talk. A few days later I accepted a friend request from him, speaking that he would come to simulate in a MUN and I would be there also. He would come to back to him city the next week. He was cute and friendly in his boyish charm.

By doing so, I had not expected an adventure to develop. A romance. The emails started out superficial. Surface level. But as time went on, and with each response the emails started to form depth, insight and understanding. Revealing and exposing ourselves. I started to know him. And him me. I started to fall for him. For his dreams, his thoughts, his passions. He became my ultimate crush. I kept this to myself, how silly it was to fall for someone over emails.

So, he came... He was true to what I had thought him to be. I was nervous to be around him. He gave me butterflies. We walked for the lawns of the college, as I questioned him about his likes, his loves, his dislikes, his dreams. Everything. I wanted to soak him in. I wanted to know all about him. I had not spent enough time with him, let alone time by ourselves. The day before he left, he helped me packed. He gave me a look that I would never forget. Nobody ever looked at me that way. With such desire. Such admiration. Such regret. I wish I could have seen me through his eyes. We are together, and our kisses were the most perfect at that moment.

He returned home. The emails continued. The friendship deepened. My feelings intensified. It was more than a crush. He was a boy I was madly and deeply in like with.

It would be a year until I would returner. We were together again. We spend the days talking. Laughing. Making plans to runaway to New York for an adventure.

I had found a place I was in love with and a boy that had captivated my heart, mind and body. I had not thought it was possible for me to like someone this much. To feel this way. Like my heart will explode. Like I’m on the edge of going crazy if I don’t see him. To crave his touches. To be so desperate for his company. Joy and pure bliss was never suppose to come hand in hand with hurt and misery.

I had just passed a few days with him, and this days transformed me. It wasn’t the same. It had become real for me. I realized he knew me. All aspects of me. The good, the bad and the ugly. And he was still sitting there next to me. He was a genuinely good, simple, tender hearted man with flaws and faults I was clearly aware off. And I was still by his side. I wanted him, with his shortcomings and imperfection. All of him. I had never felt my heart to be so fragile and delicate. There was nothing more in this world that I wanted than he say that would stay with me forever. That he would come back. To runaway with him. To be more than a seasonal fling. To be more than just a MUN romance. To be his. A real opportunity to give what we have a chance...